Model intelligence agency (MIA)

Supermodel quote of the day – from the mouths of babes

“When I model I pretty much go blank. You can’t think too much or it just doesn’t work.” – Paulina Porizkova

Yes I register the double entendre of the acronym and the heading. Contrary to popular belief intelligent models do exist.

I have had my own profound brain fart moments and uttered many absurd things. This is common for the well-travelled enclave of models; we all know it is not rocket surgery. We are often spoken to like five year olds in front of the camera. The catwalk instructions are simple, “walk to the end, turn around and walk back,” followed by a derogatory, “got it?” Unfortunately there is always one that says, “So what do we do at the end?”

That is often the way I am addressed till I drop the lawyer card, not that I should have to, everyone deserves respect and the benefit of the doubt. But it is quite fun when you can trump people who automatically treat you like a simpleton. It is a powerful weapon, the element of surprise. It is slightly arrogant, hugely indulgent and incredibly satisfying.

I am fairly cerebral. I understand the irony that there is nothing ironic in Alanis Morisette’s song ‘ironic’ and that we may be living in a multiverse. I am not saying that all models walk the halls of Mensa with pride, but model stereotypes are not always accurate.

Sure there are some that fit the vacuous bill, but to be fair extremists and fundamentalists are never an appropriate representation of any group. I am a cat lover, but I do not want to be frontlined with the same ball of wool as the crazy cat lady. Nor do I want to be lip glossed with the same brush as the vain, materialistic, shallow, less intelligent models. Like the model presenter who was overheard struggling to pronounce Gorgonzola. She asked, “What is it?” And then exclaimed, “I should know how to pronounce that, my name is also a cheese.”… Thanks Brie.

There is a lot of direction in our industry and you need a certain degree of creativity and ability to fill a lot of different shoes, quite literally. The Model creative divide is huge. Can you ambiturn? Or do a Miranda Kerr over the shoulder double pike stiletto twist? Or a Giselle pony strut? Or an haute couture pout? I was always more Target than Tom Ford, so a simple smile usually did the trick.

There is a lot to learn in this industry. In the beginning I was a model novice, I was terrible and awkward to watch. We all start that way, just a bale of turtle hatchlings rushing headfirst into the great-unknown ocean, with the lambent optimism that we are pouting in the right direction.

Somehow I developed from a stick limbed five year old, that could barely get through an Easter hat parade without picking my nose or stealing the other kids eggs, like Mum instructed – Mums are full of good advice, to a fairly capable model. But I have to admit that I am a left turner. The truth about ambiturners is that they are freaks.

As for models, please give us the benefit of the doubt. I did attend a meeting once though where a bunch of models tried to create a Model Union. The result was simple – you can’t herd catwalkers.