Model intelligence agency (MIA)

Supermodel quote of the day:

“When I model I pretty much go blank. You can’t think too much or it just doesn’t work.”
— Paulina Porizkova

Yes, I realise the heading is a double entendre.

And despite popular belief, intelligent models do exist.

I have certainly contributed my fair share of evidence to the contrary over the years. I’ve had spectacular brain-fade moments and uttered things that should probably never have escaped my mouth. Occupational hazard, perhaps.

The modelling world isn’t exactly known for intellectual expectations. In front of the camera we’re often spoken to like five-year-olds.

“Walk to the end. Turn around. Walk back.”

Followed, almost inevitably, by:

“Got it?”

Unfortunately, there is always one model who asks,

“So… what do we do when we get to the end?”

That is often the level of competence people expect from all of us.

I generally let them.

Then, somewhere down the track, the conversation drifts towards university, law, or my time at Amnesty International, and I quietly drop the lawyer card.

I shouldn’t have to. Everyone deserves respect before they’ve proved themselves.

But I have to admit…

The element of surprise is delicious.

It’s slightly arrogant, hugely indulgent, and incredibly satisfying.

I’ve always been a bit of a nerd. I understand the irony that there isn’t actually anything ironic in Alanis Morissette’s Ironic. I can happily lose an afternoon reading about the multiverse or black holes. I find etymology fascinating. I get genuinely excited by documentaries.

Not exactly the stereotypical model résumé.

Of course, there are models who fit every stereotype imaginable. But extremists rarely make good representatives of an entire profession.

I’m a cat lover, but I don’t particularly want to be bundled into the same ball of wool as the crazy cat lady.

Likewise, I’d rather not be lip-glossed with the same brush as every vain, shallow or unintelligent model.

Although…

I once heard a model presenter struggle to pronounce Gorgonzola.

“How do you say it?” she asked.

A few moments later she added,

“I should know… my name is a cheese.”

Thanks, Brie.

Modelling actually requires far more creativity than people imagine.

Can you ambiturn?

Can you do the Miranda Kerr over-the-shoulder smile?

The Gisele pony strut?

The haute couture pout?

I was always more Target than Tom Ford, so a genuine smile usually covered most situations.

Like every profession, there is a learning curve.

When I started, I was spectacularly awkward. Every new model is.

We’re all just a flock of turtle hatchlings charging towards the ocean with enormous optimism and absolutely no idea what we’re doing.

Somewhere along the way, I evolved from the five-year-old who couldn’t survive an Easter Hat Parade without picking my nose—or stealing another child’s chocolate eggs, exactly as Mum instructed—into someone who could mostly be trusted in front of a camera.

I still can’t ambiturn, though.

The truth about ambiturners is they’re freaks.

So next time you meet a model, perhaps give her the benefit of the doubt.

Although…

I did once attend a meeting where a group of models tried to form a Model Union.

The outcome?

You can’t herd catwalkers.